Sleepless in Austin

Hey baby,

I can’t sleep. Which is ironic because I need all the sleep I can get right now. Today, 8/17/18, I’m 32 weeks pregnant with you and I can’t believe you could be here any day now. I’m emotional thinking about how long being pregnant with you has been an absolute dream of mine and I still occasionally look at my round belly in disbelief that you’re actually real. I don’t know how my heart will survive the explosion of love I’ll feel when you’re actually in my arms, because right now it already feels full to capacity. 

You should know how absolutely special you are. You have been prayed for for years. You have been dreamt and wondered about for as long as I can remember. Your daddy and I went through so much—working on materializing you from our imaginations to this Earthly realm—and we want you to know that you were worth every doctor appointment, every failed pregnancy test, every painful period, every hot tear-stained cheek, every invasive test, every moment of doubt, every fear of never ever meeting you.

Know this, baby. Hope is a million times stronger than fear. YOU get to choose how you respond to adversity. Also, one more big lesson for you: YOU have the power to ALTER your destiny, no matter what diagnosis you’ve been given. You don’t like something the doctors told you? Research it. Fix your body. WILL yourself into balance. Same with anyone that tries to tell you that you can’t. Can’t do this, can’t do that. If you want it badly enough and it’s worth pursuing to you, use that stubborn tenacity and relentlessly grab ahold of that magic that is belief in your dreams. And should you ever find yourself in a moment of doubt or despair, that’s okay too. It happens. Know that we are here to back you, sweet creation. 

You are evidence that dreams really do come true. Somewhere over the rainbow doesn’t have to be a myth...we create the rainbows in our lives...some just take longer than others. Oh but those rainbows—those promises fulfilled—they are so worth the grit and patience.

Shel Silverstein wrote “And all the colors I am inside have not been invented yet.” I find myself awake at almost 5 am wondering what new colors you will splash into our lives. 

Love, Momma