After 7 Long Years...

We’re finally pregnant with our little rainbow! Because there will be tons of questions (most of them well-meaning), I’m writing this post to give you some more details about our journey, to whoever is interested.

Yes, Erik is 45 and I’m 35 and we began trying for a baby of our own 7 years ago. We’ve had so much unwanted advice thrown at us, again well-meaning, and we’ve always taken it in stride. After about 3 years, people stopped asking because I think they got the hint that it’s not really a great idea to keep bringing it up. Most of my close friends would still check in on me time to time and the story was always the same: yes, we’re still trying. No we aren’t doing fertility measures. Yes we still want babies. Yes it’s hard, but I’m not crying with every period that comes. Simply sighing and waiting for another month.

Fertility treatments: yeah, we considered them. It’s important to note that I FULLY SUPPORT a couple’s right to make use of the fantastic science that’s out there to help them conceive and keep their little beans alive in utero. Our decision to forego treatments was somewhat easy, because it’s just something I felt resolute in. I just knew it would happen naturally, if we were simply patient. And boy patience was hard after several years. About 3 years ago we visited Texas Fertility Center to take a look at our options. We declined Clomid, due to its side effects. We declined IUIs (intra-uterine insemination). They are about $600-$800 a pop and you have to get on mood-altering medications and the success rate is really low. And finally, we declined IVF (in-vitro fertilization). This procedure is incredibly expensive, it’s very difficult on the woman’s body and mind, it’s invasive to say the least, and though the success rate has pretty good odds, it’s not 100% for all of that havoc we would be putting ourselves through. About the only thing we would agree to do is a minor surgery to remove some mild endometriosis and polyps that could have been affecting our ability to conceive.

So in March 2015, I had a laparoscopy and a hysteroscopy to clean everything out down there, which again was mild. Before that, I had an HSG (hysterosalpingogram), which is diagnostic in nature and extremely painful. Erik held my hand through it and winced, as well as took care of me while recovering from my laparoscopy. Not much changed after that, but we went on with our lives. We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility as my body appeared to be able, by and large. And Erik’s numbers were good too, especially for his age.

In August of 2015, a miracle occurred. After throngs of negative tests over the years, I found out I was pregnant! I didn’t even think it possible that month, and almost missed it because I continued to bleed. In some cases, women do bleed during pregnancy so I kept hope alive even though I knew deep down that this pregnancy likely would not stick. My beta blood test showed that my numbers were really low (HsG and progesterone) and that’s not a good sign. I had a few mild pregnancy symptoms but bled little bits every day and slowly but surely miscarried. It wasn’t the painful, horrific miscarriage experiences that others have endured because it was slow and steady, but it was heart-wrenching to give up on our dream almost as soon as it seemed a distant possibility. I got a small tattoo to commemorate our loss, as a releasing of this journey to God. In the end, this pregnancy and miscarriage gave us hope that it was possible to conceive because I had never had a positive result in over four years of trying.

So what DID we do? We decided to prepare for a rainbow baby, which is a baby born after a loss...since a rainbow is a promise of hope after a storm. Even though we didn’t choose fertility measures, we began working on our bodies and minds: our physical wellness and mindsets. Over a period of about the last 3 years, we intentionally began edifying our lives in the following ways:

• We began cleaning up our diets. We eliminated processed foods and incorporated more veggies.
• We began cleaning up our personal care and cleaning supplies. We learned about endocrine disruptors in our soaps, deodorants, makeup, etc and we began replacing them with nontoxic alternatives from Young Living. Who knew that our bodies were being bombarded with hormone-like substances on the daily??
• I stopped going to western medicine doctors who were intent on putting bandaids on my symptoms with countless pharmaceuticals and their awful side effects. I visited a wellness doctor who got me introduced to acupuncture and quality supplementation. Acupuncture has been a godsend on many levels. I have kept this up pretty regularly for several years and I firmly believe in this practice.
• Which led to essential oils. We stopped relying on chemicals to help us remain above the wellness line and instead relied on nature’s living miracles to help us thrive and boost our immune systems. We threw out useless store-bought supplements and began replacing them with supplements that would actually assimilate into our bodies.
• Two major fertility-boosting oils we relied heavily on were Idaho Blue Spruce for Erik and Progessence Plus for me. Erik began using Idaho Blue Spruce to support his testosterone levels, which is key for all aspects of manhood. And about two years ago, I began using Progessence Plus twice daily to help bring hormonal harmony to my body.
• We worked on our mindsets. We began reading books by spiritual/mindset “gurus” and attended retreats and workshops to encourage expansion of consciousness and spirituality. We challenged each other to meditate daily and to live in the present moment.
• We cleaned up our friend/family connections. People who no longer resonated with us, naturally began to fall away. And we grew new friendships with people who vibed on a similar wavelength!
• I left an extremely stressful (yet rewarding) full-time career to find myself and my sanity again. The time and mindset freedom I received from that to this day remains invaluable.
• I learned about energy. And I met some people who helped me clear stagnant and negative energies hanging onto our home and my person, and I saw and felt a key difference. Oftentimes your physical ailments have an emotional/energetic root that can even date back generations.

It’s important to note that the belief that “stop trying/caring and you’ll get pregnant” is not a one-size-fits-all piece of advice. That didn’t work for us. It took us 3 years of transforming our lives and being patient with the process before the fruit of that labor resembled an embryo.

And then Monday, February 5th happened. I was supposed to start on the 3rd, but I’ve been known to be a day or two late. I had two glasses of wine on Super Bowl Sunday and bawled my eyes out at the This Is Us special episode that night. Monday came and my boobs were still very sore and still no period. I thought, um do I even have any pregnancy tests here at the house? I looked in the cabinet above the commode, and sure enough...one...little...test. I peed on it without even batting an eye. I’m so used to negatives that I left it in the bathroom and promptly forgot about it. About 20 minutes later, I remembered and went to check it and was flabbergasted. Clear as day: pregnant. Erik was working from home that day and I couldn’t keep the news from him even if I tried. My mouth was agape. He was ecstatic. I, however, was worried. How do I keep this one alive?? Would my numbers be horrific? Would they make me go on progesterone supplements? How do I make this one stick?!

I had my blood drawn that same day. The beta confirmed, yes pregnant. And YES. The numbers were more than good. Two days later the numbers were continuing to rise, like they do in a healthy pregnancy. Still, at advanced maternal age (which if you can believe it is 35+) miscarriages are more likely so Erik and I kept it under wraps except for our inner families and close friends. I quadrupled my use of Progessence Plus and began religiously taking my amazing YL supplements to make sure baby was getting everything he/she needed. I gave up wine and upped my quantity of folate-containing foods. We’ve already decided where we want to give birth, what kind of birth we want, and we are working on all the other specifics of our birth plan. We know everyone is going to have an opinion on EVERYTHING and we respectfully ask that you trust that Erik and I are striving to be well-informed and make decisions that are conducive to our philosophies and lifestyle choices.

Thank you for being a part of our journey, no matter how big or small. If you’ve been with us for the long-haul, we are indebted to your friendship and support. If you’re a new friend, I’m so happy to have you in our lives! I hope you’ll enjoy all of my posts from here on out. Fair warning: because I’ve waited 7 years for this, I’m going to post tons of bump pics and updates. I’ve stood by and watched others for years and I will be fully engaging in the revelry. So if you are the eye-rolling type, hide my profile now.

To those of you who still have motherhood dreams unfulfilled, I see you. I’m with you. Any pain that comes from seeing my online maternity celebration is fully understood, believe me. I will join with you in celebration when it’s finally your turn, whenever that day may be, whatever fertility measures you choose to take. Thank you all for taking the time to read a little bit about our journey, and stay tuned for updates as we keep you posted until our little pumpkin arrives in October! And of course, thereafter! :)